Obsessive Lodge lister Darren Oakley-Martin this morning publicly admitted to suffering from Birdtrackolism. In a frank and brutally honest interview with the BTO's Nick Moran on their new free-to-view channel Counting Birds, Darren said ''It's gone too far now. I woke up this morning and my first thought was how many birds I could get on my Lodge Complete Species List for the day.''
He continued ''I did the normal stuff: had a cup of coffee and a fag, took a shower - which gave me time to formulate a strategy to nail Little Owl - got dressed and walked the three miles to my workplace at The Lodge.''
''It was only when I arrived and found all the doors locked and the carpark empty that I realised it was Sunday. It's high time the BTO showed some responsibility towards heavy BirdTrack users...they don't even have a crisis line like the Samaritans for heaven's sake, and their staff only work nine to five - the slackers.''
Attempting to steer the conversation in a different direction, Nick asked ''So, did you see anything?'' ''Erm, yes.'' Darren replied. ''Two Woodcock and a Peregrine, which, off the top of my head, means I've recorded them on 2.76% and 3.12% of my visits respectively.''